Soft Skills – Building Trust

“Trust is like the air breathe – when it’s present, nobody really notices; when it’s absent, everybody notices.” – Warren Buffett

Trust is a risk. Big ambitions in life require collaboration and can’t do it alone. So to minimize the risk, people try really hard to gauge the trustworthiness of others.

Trustworthiness is evaluated on three primary criteria:

1. Competency – when an absolute expert in a field.
2. Empathy – when people see you as warm, caring, and understanding.
3. Authenticity – when people perceive you as honest, transparent, genuine, and consistent.

To prioritize Trust Drivers:

1. Build up your weakest driver first – it’s a good idea to identify and shore up your weakest leg and you’ll increase your trustworthiness.
2. Recognize positional power:
   • to build more trust with your boss or others who have positional power over you – prioritize competency, they must know that you can and will get the job done.
   • to build more trust with your direct reports – prioritize empathy. People need to know you care about them.
3. Consider country of origin or culture:
   • people in North America and Europe – value authenticity. So be transparent about business information.
   • people from East Asian countries value competency and tend to gauge expertise based on reputation.
   • people from Latin America may prioritize empathy.
4. Consider situational context.

Competency

Employee monitoring erodes trust. You can build trust with a relentless focus on results. For example:

1. Grow expertise every year or quarter: identify a business or technical skill you could improve and make a learning action plan.
2. Demonstrate reliability: with a one-to-one ratio between say and do.
3. Establish clear goals up front: make those goals result-focused, not activity based. When you’re a reliable expert with clear goals, try to pitch achievements/efforts/successes sometimes even in small talk, instead of saying everything is as usual.
4. Update colleagues concisely and factually: What are you working on? Why? How does it help meet organizational goals? What are the next steps?

Empathy

Empathetic leaders have more innovative, productive teams, and higher retention.

1. Keep your voice at a soft volume.
2. Take an interest in people.
3. User “we” language.
4. Turn the camera on during the meetings.
5. Use names, credit, and express appreciation often.

1. Show others that you listening and engaging.
2. Tell people you’re taking notes.
3. Never interrupt.
4. Eliminate distractions.
5. When responding, begin by summarizing what the other said in your own words.
6. Show others they are important.

Assuming Positive Intent:

1. Notice when you blame someone’s personality.
2. Change the story you’re telling yourself.
3. Assume and listen.

Authenticity

There shouldn’t be a lack of congruency between thoughts and actions; between verbal and non-verbal cues (make sure actions match words).

Should be more protective of your calendar or more selective in the meetings to attend. Should be able to maintain your energy level and positivity.

Self-disclosure – talking about yourself and your feelings help to build trust, but it should carefully weigh the benefits and the costs of self-disclosure.

1. Non-work stories.
2. Share wins and failures.
3. Feelings about current work events.
4. Take a stand (in an opinion).

Team Trust

To build team trust, offer your trust to teammates.

1. Socialize in virtual meetings.
2. Be a connector.
3. Clarify roles and expectations.
4. Rotate power.
5. Share time zone burden.
6. Be reliable.

Lost Trust

Rebuilding trust:

1. Ask for more check-ins than you once needed.
2. Notice regular updates.
3. Pay attention to accountability.

Emotional deposits:

1. Help someone.
2. Credit someone publicly.
3. Confide in someone.

Apologize to make it right:

1. Admit the breach.
2. Apologize.
3. Say what you will do to prevent future breaches in trust.
4. Explain how you will repair the damage you’ve done.
5. Take action.